HELP: Heed emotions, love perfectly

“HELP: Heed emotions, love perfectly”

SunStar Davao, March 11, 2023

 

Do you know that mental health issues are treatable 80% to 90% of the time?

This was revealed by Dr. Maria Teresa Gustilo-Villasor, a renowned clinical psychologist specializing in child and adolescent psychology, family ministries, and pastoral counseling.

The esteemed psychologist was the speaker during the recent parenting talk organized by the Davao Christian High School Parents-Teachers Fellowship entitled “HELP (Heed Emotions, Love Perfectly) – Family Mental Health and Wellness: Emerging Issues Today” held at the DCHS (V. Mapa Campus) Auditorium.

Dr. Villasor whose clinic is located at the Makati Medical Center advises parents to vigilantly watch for signs that show problems in their kids’ mental health, particularly depression, especially in its early stage.

                     

They may manifest as “sadness or hopelessness; irritability, anger or hostility; tearfulness or frequent crying; withdrawal from friends and family; loss of interest in activities; changes in eating and sleeping habits; restlessness and agitation; fatigue or lack of energy; unexplained physical complaints such as headaches or stomachaches; thoughts of death or suicide; among others”.

State of well-being

According to the World Health Organization, “mental health is a state of well-being where a person can realize his or her abilities to cope with normal stresses of life and work productively”.

The Ateneo de Manila University alumna explains that there are contributing factors to mental health. These include biochemistry where differences in certain chemicals in the brain may contribute to depression symptoms; genetics; personality; relationships; and environmental factors such as exposure to violence, neglect, and abuse which makes a person vulnerable to depression.

On the other hand, stress is described as “the body’s physical, mental, and chemical reaction to perceived disruptions which arises when one perceives a challenge, threat, or harm”. However, not everyone can effectively deal with the normal stresses of life. And the negative effects may accumulate over time resulting in wear and tear of the body and mind.

Alarmingly, Dr. Villasor discloses that “70% to 90% of people who visit doctors have stress-related disorders”. The uncontrolled stress has been found to contribute to several medical problems like “cardiovascular disease, cancer, migraine, arthritis, allergy, asthma, psoriasis, irritable bowel syndrome, and even frequent cold and flu”.

The 4 Ls

To monitor our kids’ mental health, Dr. Villasor says that parents must “look, listen, learn, and link”.

“Look means to observe and watch out for unusual behavior; irregularity of sleep/eating; relationships; manner of dress; physical appearance; weight loss or gain; pallor; scratches on arms and legs; and speech whether it is slurred, rapid or slow”, details Dr. Villasor.

Next is to listen or communicate. Dr. Villasor cautions parents to avoid asking why. She also encourages we minimize statements like “You have nothing to be upset about”; “What is wrong with you?”; “Are you looking for attention?”; and the like.

Third is to learn where the importance of the family in human development is underscored. She says that the family is a source of support and comfort but can also trigger friction as well as physical, mental, emotional, and social problems. In addition, once the primary support of the child, “the family now shows traces of stress, marked by substantial levels of absentee parenting and unstable marital unions”.

She emphasizes that we must manage big emotions by following these five steps. “First, remind oneself that it is never okay to hurt others. Second, take three deep breaths or count slowly to 10. Third, use “my” words to say how one feels and wishes would happen. Fourth, ask for help to solve the problem. And, lastly, take time to calm down,” shares Dr. Villasor.

Finally, parents must learn to link or when to refer and consult a professional especially when these are observed: when a child hints openly of suicide or homicide; any indication of a medical emergency; the possibility of abuse, or any criminal activity; among others.

It’s okay to not be okay

Dr. Villasor stresses that consulting a psychologist should be considered when dealing with mental health problems. This is because the physical and emotional turmoil brought on by mental health concerns can derail careers, hobbies, and relationships. “After an assessment, mental health issues can benefit from the interventions,” she points out.

To maintain mental health, she used the acronym HENS which stands for hygiene, exercise, nutrition, and sleep. “Remember, not to self-medicate and avoid alcohol. Have regular physical activity as it releases endorphins (also known as the happy hormones). Sleep regularly and observe a healthy diet,” Dr. Villasor recommends.

“Mental health and well-being are important because it promotes healthier lifestyles, better physical health, improved recovery from illness, higher educational attainment, and an overall improved quality of life,” she explains.

The parenting talk concluded with an engaging Q and A that openly tackled timely issues. With her wealth of experience, the audience was indeed blessed with Dr. Villasor’s no-nonsense approach and refreshing take on pressing matters. 

Real talk, indeed!

Companioning: Walking with our loved ones through their anxiety

“Companioning: Walking with our loved ones through their anxiety”
SunStar Davao, November 27, 2021

Dr. Joyce Piap-Go may be a seasoned life coach and counselor, but she recently realized that even a counseling professional like her is not spared from experiencing anxiety, stress, and even potential depression.

During the early days of the pandemic, her father-in-law passed away while everyone was on lockdown.  The month after, her mother-in-law was hospitalized and had to undergo a blood transfusion.  These and other overlapping difficulties within the family led her to consult ten doctors in a week.

“By that time, I was already exhausted from lack of sleep.  My mind kept me awake at night as I thought about what else needed to be done.  I felt like I was slowly losing control of my sanity with all that was happening.  I cried so much, not knowing what to do,” she divulges.

“While in the midst of that emotional upheaval, I knew that If I stayed in that state any longer, I could easily spiral down to depression.  I also knew I had to do something to keep myself healthy during this challenging season,” Dr. Go declares.

Learning the right way to support

This personal experience of hers inspired her to pen her latest book, “Companioning: Walking with Our Loved Ones through Their Anxiety” together with Dr. Jojie Wong. Both are proud Dabawenyos based in Manila.

                                 

“My hope is that this book will give us some tools as we journey with those who are anxious and unwell – emotionally or mentally. With appropriate knowledge and skills, we can help our loved ones as they struggle with anxiety and other mental concerns,” says Dr. Go who is also the author of the bestselling “Bee Series” children’s book. Her latest book in the series, “Bee Patient”, will be out soon.

Dr. Go explains that not everyone would have the same tools that she has in coping with anxiety.  She has seen parents, spouses, caregivers, pastors, and friends sincerely wanting to help but were challenged with limited experience and skills. Sadly, this is the reason why some caregivers, even if they put out their best effort, end up doing more harm than good.

“But there is hope, we can all learn,” assures the sought-after speaker on family matters, parenting, love, and relationships.

Triggers and warning signs

“There are many things in this imperfect, fallen world that can cause anxiety.  They may be issues with finances, work, health, or relationships.  Their business could have been affected by the pandemic or recession. Or perhaps they lost their job.  It is also possible to have anxiety from having to transition to retirement,” Dr. Go details.

In addition, having a loved one fall sick can contribute to stress especially if one is used to seeing them healthy and strong. Disruptive relationships with children, partners, friends and even colleagues can greatly contribute to sleepless nights and put minds to overdrive.

Dr. Go, who earned her Doctor of Education in Clinical Christian Counselling degree from the Asia Graduate School of Theology, discloses that mental health affects the mind, emotion, and behavior of a person.

 

Warning signs to look out for include excessive fear and worrying; feelings of worthlessness and hopelessness; loss of appetite or weight change; mood changes; persistent sadness or empty moods; restlessness; tearfulness; thoughts of self-harm or suicide; and too much or too little sleep.

It takes a village

“A good rule of thumb is to seek professional help and have your loved one evaluated if any of the warning signs last more than two weeks.  If you do not notice these signs but have observed your loved one is not able to function normally – at school, work, with their family, or among friends, and acquaintances – then it would also be good to consult with a mental health professional as soon as possible,” Dr. Go advises.

“If your loved one has mentioned suicide, whether we think they mean it or not, it is best to take their words seriously and seek help,” she stresses.

The mother-of-one points out that anxiety is not something we can easily switch on when we are in the doctor’s clinic and switch off when we are not in consultation.  The excessive thoughts and fears could be a day-to-day thing and experienced by our loved ones throughout the day. 

“Therefore, we need to know how to journey with them and learn the tools ourselves.  We also hope that in due time, our loved ones would be able to wean off medical professionals and slowly weave normalcy back into their lives,” she continues.

                                 

Aside from having an adequate good night’s sleep and eating healthy food, Dr. Go suggests that our loved ones can exercise, do deep breathing; stay meaningfully connected; and pray as among practical ways to ease their anxiety.

“An African proverb says, “It takes a whole village to raise a child”.  Personally, I would say, it also takes a village to help our loved ones as they go through anxiety,” ends Dr. Go. 

The book, “Companioning: Walking with Our Loved Ones through Their Anxiety”, is published by OMF Literature Inc.

Image credits: OMF Literature and Canva

E-mail the author at mom.about.town.dvo@gmail.com. Visit http://momabouttowndavao.blogspot.com/.

Inside Out : Mental and Emotional Health Matter

 

“Inside Out: Mental and Emotional Health Matter”

SunStar Davao, January 25, 2020

“Mental health disorders rank third in the most common disabilities in the country, affecting 1 in 5 Filipino adults, just below hearing and visual disability.”

This alarming data from the World Health Organization was shared by Dr. Val L. Gonzales, the speaker during the recent parenting talk “Inside Out: Mental and Emotional Health Matter” organized by the Davao Christian High School Parents-Teachers Fellowship held at the DCHS V. Mapa auditorium.

Dr. Gonzales is an ordained minister and licensed counselor who specializes in dealing with depression, addiction, and co-occurring disorders. He holds a doctorate degree in Theology and is an Academic Dean/Associate Professor at the School of Counselling, Singapore Bible College.

Warning signs

In the Philippines, Dr. Gonzales shares that the top 4 mental illnesses are schizophrenia, substance abuse, anxiety, and depression.

With the growing cases of anxiety and depression in teens and young adults nowadays, he says parents should be vigilant and watch out for symptoms.

He explains that “anxiety is excessive worrying that is hard to control and occurs, more often than not, for at least six months. It is likewise associated with at least three of these symptoms (in children, only one symptom): restlessness; tiring easily; lack of concentration or feeling as though the mind goes blank; irritability; increased muscle aches or soreness; and difficulty speaking.”

In order to confirm someone as suffering from depression, “he or she must have 5 or more symptoms during the same 2-week period which include depressed mood most of the day, nearly every day; markedly diminished interest or pleasure in all; or almost all, activities most of the day, nearly every day; among others.”

Break the stigma

    “Mental illness is the leprosy of these times. Before, leprosy was stigmatized so you got away from that person. Now, it’s mental illness that is stigmatized. And, a great part of this is because we have not been fully educated about this. We think it’s a curse; that it’s just faulty parenting. Hopefully, we will realize that there are so many contributing factors to mental illness,” reveals Dr. Gonzales.

  

As a community, Dr. Gonzales proposes that we should increase our level of awareness by organizing events like “Mental Health Week”.

He discloses that people should be educated against spiritualizing mental illness. Instead, we should integrate spirituality with emotionality. “Don’t just say, “I’m going to pray for you”. Refer that person to a professional,” he urges.

We should also promote self-care such as regular physical exercise, adequate sleep, healthy eating habits, and a balanced lifestyle. “Get 8 hours of sleep. Lesser than that, you become irritable. If you are irritable, you cannot think clearly and make wise decisions,” Dr. Gonzales advises.

       In addition, he stresses that we need to identify high-risk individuals for potential help. Seek professional help when symptoms are observed especially when there is suicidality. “Don’t let that person be left by himself. Call the parents; inform the pastor, guidance counsellor or teacher. Pay attention to that individual.”

“Moreover, establish support groups. They are an untapped resource that we need to develop and grow in our organizations,” he continues.

Dr. Gonzales likewise underscores the discovery and development of one’s God-given gifts. “The problem with many young people today is that they pursue careers that are not consistent with their giftedness. With career choice counselling, hopefully, people will do what they enjoy and like, and feel validated,” observes the father of two.

“We have to stop this idea that if we stop talking about mental illness, it will disappear. If we don’t talk about it, it will not disappear. We should talk about it because awareness precedes change. The more we are aware, the more we put ourselves in the position to make positive changes,” Dr. Gonzales imparts.

Special thanks to DCHS teacher Ma'am Farrah Silva for the "Inside Out" quote slides.

E-mail the author at mom.about.town.dvo@gmail.com. To view more photos, please visit http://momabouttowndavao.blogspot.com/.