A culture of blessing in the home

"A culture of blessing in the home"

Sun.Star Davao, March 17, 2012

When we became parents, there were no parenting how-to manuals or comprehensive parenting courses that effectively prepared us for our new and challenging roles.

My husband Gary and I “get by” mainly by trial and error, often, experimenting on what kind of parenting style would best fit each of our children who have their own unique God-given characteristics and traits.

That is why whenever there are worthwhile parenting seminars; we make it a point to attend in the hopes of learning to become better parents to our kids.

One such enriching seminar is the recent talk by Rev. David Alano Magalong, Jr. with the topic, “Building a Culture of Blessing in the Home: Unleashing Your Children’s Potentials” at the Davao Christian High School. Rev. Magalong is a well-respected motivational speaker, author, marriage counselor, resource speaker and trainer on leadership, marriage & parenting, and corporate values.

The secret of the Jews

In his talk, Rev. Magalong shared that Craig Hill, founder and president of Family Foundations International, was intrigued as to why Jews in America and all over the world would “prosper in business and not have too many problems in their marriage and kids”.

Compared to other Christian families, Hill also observed that the Jewish families were “more intact”. Hoping to uncover the intriguing “secret of the Jews”, Hill immersed himself in the Jewish community and their culture.

What amazing “secret” did Hill discover?

He found out that that the Jewish culture is a culture of blessing. In fact, during the seven crucial stages of their lives, namely conception; pregnancy; birth; childhood (especially during the weekly Shabbat); bar mitzvah; marriage; and old age, the Jews were continuously blessed by their parents, family members and close-knit community.

For instance, during the weekly Shabbat, which is a time dedicated to family, community and spiritual renewal, special blessings are said over the children on Friday night.

Parents lay their hands on their children’s head and recite their blessings. This is an affectionate way to “reinforce the fact that they are loved, accepted and supported by their families”. Most often, hugs and kisses or words of praise are also given after the blessing.

Blessing vs. cursing

Rev. Magalong suggests that this culture of blessing may also be applied to our Filipino families as well.

He states that “blessing or honor empowers people in three ways: “first, it affirms our sense of self-worth and belongingness and thereby enabling us to accept, appreciate and respect ourselves; secondly, it builds confidence in our capacity for doing (success) and becoming (destiny); and lastly, it helps release our potentials as it gives us confidence to overcome barriers and challenges in relationships and performance”.

In contrast, the act of cursing or dishonor leads to “feelings of shame, abandonment, loss of sense of belongingness and ultimately, self-rejection”.

He points out that we are guilty of cursing when we use “degrading words or treatment in trying to correct our spouse and children”. Sometimes, instead of correcting their wrong behavior, we unconsciously attack their identity which, Rev. Magalong warns, is a form of cursing (e.g., “You did something bad” vs. “You are bad!”; “You made a mistake” vs. “You are a mistake!”; and “You did something disappointing” vs. “You are a disappointment!”).

The father of four reminds parents to be their “children’s greatest inspirers and not their worst critics”.

The power of blessing and affirmation

In their home, Rev. Magalong and his family practice the prayer and affirmation circle.

Family members form a circle and take turns in praying, blessing and affirming each other. “It was awkward for the kids at first”, he admits. But, later on, everyone enjoyed expressing what they appreciated and loved about one another. Saying “I am blessed by you because…..” became automatic.

Rev. Magalong noticed that this family ritual aided in lessening the unavoidable fights and bickering among the children when they were younger. The family felt deeply encouraged and united.

“When you affirm, you are empowering that person. You are addressing the deepest longing of a person which is unconditional acceptance”, Rev. Magalong reveals.

To illustrate his point further, Rev. Magalong told the story of Pablo Picasso and his mother, Maria Picasso Y Lopez. The legendary Spanish painter, sculptor and printmaker who is considered as among the greatest and most influential artists of the 20th century, is a true testament of the power of affirmation.

As his famous quotation goes, “My mother said to me, "If you are a soldier, you will become a general. If you are a monk, you will become the Pope. Instead, I was a painter, and became Picasso”.

A parent’s blessing

Every morning as his children leave the family home, Rev. Magalong consistently blesses them by placing his hands on their heads and saying words such as “May God bless you and protect you. May God’s face shine toward you and show you favor. May God give you good relationships, wisdom and knowledge”.

Moreover, he verbally affirms his faith in his children’s capacity to become better and be the best that they can possibly be.

When his son Josh was in his teens, he used to be shy and terrified of speaking before a crowd. However, this did not stop Rev. Magalong from encouraging Josh through his blessing, “May you be blessed with a heart of courage. May God raise you up to be a leader of your generation!”. At age 18, Josh became a confident public speaker and youth leader in their church and in his school. The father’s never-ending affirmation and blessings unleashed his child’s potentials.

On the other hand, when Faye, the eldest child, was contemplating on leaving her demanding call center job, Rev. Magalong assured her, “Your mom and I strongly suggest that you resign from your job before you burn yourself out. Your health is becoming affected. Don’t be afraid because we’ve been blessing you. If you resign from your job, in less than a month, I declare that you won't have to look for a job. A new work will find you that will even be more fulfilling”.

Just as his father confidently claimed, Faye was offered her dream job as station manager of Edge Radio, a Christian radio station, where she received the same salary as her former job.

The blessing of a parent is powerful, indeed!

Photos courtesy of Google Images and “Shabbat Shalom!”(written by Michelle Shapiro Abraham and illustrated by Ann Koffsky).

E-mail the author at mom.about.town.dvo@gmail.com. Visit www.momabouttowndavao.blogspot.com.

Wonder kid writes for a cause

“Wonder kid writes for a cause”

Sun. Star Davao, Feb. 18, 2012

At thirteen year of age, Scott Lee Chua is such an admirable model kid.

A Grade Seven student at Xavier School in Greenhills (Manila), Scott is a consistent first honor student who loves a cornucopia of subjects from math, science, literature, arts, history, music, travel and even magic.

Like his multi-hyphenated mom, Dr. Queena Lee-Chua who is an award-winning author, Phil. Daily Inquirer columnist, psychologist, and Ateneo de Manila Ph.D. professor, Scott is fascinated with complicated mathematical concepts and has the extraordinary ability to explain them in simpler and more understandable terms.

Because of this amazing gift, Scott has been invited to do Math Magic shows and Math Singapore model approach lectures for students, parents and teachers and has represented his school in national and international math competitions, reaping various awards and medals.

Not only does Scott adore numbers, he is a voracious reader and gifted writer as well whose latest achievement is being one of the two youngest winners in the history of the prestigious Carlos Palanca Memorial Awards for Literature.

Junior adventurer

Scott’s passion for writing started when he was in Prep. The professed Dr. Seuss fan would creatively draw and write his own superhero comic books, which his proud parents would print and give to close friends and relatives as personalized Christmas gifts. By Grade 1, his poem, “Freedom”, was published in the “Junior Inquirer”. His travel articles have also appeared in the “Philippine Daily Inquirer” and “Working Mom” magazine.

His innate writing ability did not go unnoticed by Karina Bolasco, the head of Anvil Publishing. In 2006, Karina asked Scott to do children’s books after seeing his travel diaries. He was invited repeatedly to write for the respected publishing house in 2007 and 2008.

But, it was only in 2009, at the time that his grandfather, Dr. William Lee, passed away, that Scott decided to accept the offer. In 2010, he launched his children’s travels books, “Top Ten Travels in Tokyo; Kuala Lumpur; and New Zealand” in honor of his beloved grandfather.

In his book, he writes, “I started traveling when I was six years old, and I have not stopped since. Mom and Dad love to visit spots and learn about other cultures, and I have inherited this from them”.

However, Scott and his parents do not travel the way other people do. They refrain from joining package tours unless necessary, because they dislike hurrying through wonderful places.

“We want to set our own pace, and linger in spots that we love. We also don’t like to shop, because we prefer to eat new foods, learn new skills, and try out new activities. These are what make travels memorable”, Scott enthuses.

Top Ten Pinoy Travels

“My travel books on Tokyo, Kuala Lumpur and New Zealand inspired many kids to visit these thrilling destinations”, the young writer shares.

Despite his foreign travels, Scott heartily shares that he believes that the Philippines is still one of the most beautiful countries with numerous sites waiting for him to tell the whole world. So, for his next writing project, he decided to focus on travels in his homeland. Thus, the “Top Ten Pinoy Travels” featuring Davao, Cebu and Manila was launched in September 2011.

Scott and his supportive parents have a special and soft spot for Davao. Dr. Queena’s best friend since grade school, Julie Tiu (who also happens to be Scott’s godmother) married a Dabawenyo and is currently based here.

With the same enjoyable format as his previous travel series, Scott’s new set of books is perfect for junior adventurers. The amusing and easy-to-read descriptions (both in English and Filipino) highlight the author’s recommended must-see local places. It is also colorfully presented with playful illustrations by graphic artist Rommel “Omeng” Estanislao. Oftentimes, Scott is portrayed in the artwork with his signature blue umbrella.

Writing for a cause

During Scott’s talk and book signing with mom, Dr. Queena, recently at the National Book Store Abreeza, he discussed the topic, “How I Wrote a Book: If I Could Do It, So Could You!”. His mom, on the other hand, engaged the audience with her extensive knowledge on “How to Raise Star Students”.

The day before, Scott was also invited by the Davao Christian High School (DCHS) to give a talk on “Writing for Life” to selected students.

He encouraged the DCHS students to keep on reading. “Read lots of books of all sorts, especially award-winning books. They are only boring if you don’t understand them”, the only child explains.

In the same manner, Scott advises budding writers to “write as much as you can”. He reminds them not to be afraid to be cold as ice towards their story. Learn how to “edit, edit, edit!”.

Scott emphasizes that the youth has a powerful voice; and that they can effectively express themselves by being “entertaining, humorous and witty”. This was how he wrote his piece, “Of Pixels and Power”, which won 2^nd place in the Kabataan Essay Division of the Palanca Awards.

This early, Scott utilizes his voice for a worthy purpose opting to donate both his P5,000 Palanca prize money and proceeds of his published books to the Educational Research and Development Assistance (ERDA) Technical and Vocational High School. It is a Manila-based school for disadvantaged youth which Xavier School adopted two years ago. His generous donation will help the needy students to purchase food, supplies and other necessities.

A wonder kid with a big heart, Scott indeed lives by his favorite line from the Spiderman movie, “With great power comes great responsibility”.

E-mail the author at mom.about.town.dvo@gmail.com. Visit www.momabouttowndavao.blogspot.com.

(Photo of Scott in Grade 1 courtesy of Xavier School's website)

Are you a tiger or an ostrich parent?

“Are you a Tiger or an Ostrich Parent?”

Sun.Star Davao, Feb. 4, 2012

I’m sure many of you have heard of or read the controversial memoir by Yale law professor Amy Chua, “Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother”. I was able to buy a copy last summer and found it amusing and yet thought-provoking. After reading the bestseller, it made me wonder if I had been a tiger mother on some occasion, although, on a much lesser scale.

To give you an insight of her life, Chua was raised by equally high-achieving Filipino-Chinese parents who immigrated to the U.S. in the early ‘60s. She grew up in a household that used the more traditional and strict Asian parenting method.

Years later, when she had her daughters, Sophia and Lulu, the magna cum laude graduate did not hesitate to utilize that same parenting approach.

For instance, her kids were forbidden to watch TV, play computer games, attend sleepovers, go on play dates and choose their own extracurricular activities. They were “not allowed to get any grade less than an A” and were expected to be “the number 1 student in every subject except gym and drama”.

As a result, her children admirably excelled in academics and music (particularly violin and piano). However, the tiger mom’s rigid parenting style sometimes caused unavoidable tension and conflict between her and her daughters.

If you feel that Chua’s parenting style is bordering on the extreme and you may wonder, “Is she for real?!”, well, think again. Tiger parents like Chua are very much in our midst.

Making the parenting social circle extra interesting is the presence of ostrich parents who are the exact opposite of tiger parents.

What’s your parenting style?

During a recent parenting seminar at the Davao Christian High School entitled “Striking a Balance between Being a Tiger Parent and an Ostrich Parent” by guest speaker Dr. Queena Lee-Chua, she cites the contrasting qualities of these two kinds of parents. Dr. Queena is a multi-awarded author, psychologist, Phil. Daily Inquirer columnist and Ateneo de Manila Ph.D. professor.

“Ostrich parents love their kids but run away from the responsibilities of parenting”, Dr. Queena describes. Sometimes, they are absent in their children’s lives due to work (e.g., OFWs, overworked executives and “lazy” parents).

She adds that ostrich parents “relinquish parenting to others such as relatives, teachers, tutors, yayas, etc.” They have low or no expectations of their children and have few or no boundaries which result in the kids getting into trouble and not doing well in school.

Like the ostrich parents, tiger parents also love their kids. But, the problem is they are “extremely involved in every aspect of their children’s lives, even minor ones”.

Their competitive nature dictates their kids to outperform everyone else, which Dr. Queena emphasizes is “impossible to do”. “Nobody can be number one all the time”, she points out.

For the tiger parents, getting high grades becomes more important than the learning process itself. They practice hyper-parenting and over schedule their kids with activities inside and outside school (e.g., math enrichment activities, music lessons, sports, art classes, etc.).

Another term for tiger parents are the “helicopter parents”, which Dr. Queena refers to as parents who seem to “hover” over their children during their activities to the point of intervening for them. They include those we usually see complaining to the teacher and the school.

Striking a balance

Is there ever a glimmer of hope for the overly tiger or the laid-back and unmindful ostrich parent? Thankfully, there is.

“Ostrich parents should be more present in their children’s lives. They must be clear on the expectations and boundaries with their kids and work for and come up with ways to meet them”, Dr. Queena suggests.

Since most kids of ostrich parents have poor academic performance, Dr. Queena advises that they “guide their child in developing effective and independent study habits”. And, for sure, better grades will soon follow.

“Stop portraying yourself as the “cool” parent who wants to be more of a barkada than a parent”, she declares.

And, what about the more aggressive tiger parents?

Dr. Queena has two words: “Step back”. Give your child space and time to grow. Learn how to alternate between work and rest; between active and quiet periods.

She says that tiger parents must refrain from being too focused on grades. Oftentimes, those who vie for the highest honors end up being enemies with their competitors. Forget about the drive to beat everyone and instead be friends with everyone during the race.

The mother of one reminds tiger parents that “inner values are more important in the long run than the externals”.

Let our children fight their own battles

Face it; we cannot fight the battles of our children. Yes, we should guide our young ones but only up to a certain point. It is imperative that they are guided to solve their own problems and be more resilient and determined in preparation for the future.

Dr. Queena finds it healthy to let children make their own mistakes and even fail sometimes in small things. She opens up during the parenting talk that she has brilliant college students who break under pressure on their first quiz or exam failure. After years of being protected by tiger parents, this initial shock leaves a bitter taste in their mouths.

When it comes to parenting, Dr. Queena clarifies that “there is no one right way”. Although, personally, if she were asked to choose, she prefers some of the qualities of tiger parents than ostrich parents.

She stresses that “parents know their child better than anyone else; therefore, they know what works for them and their child”.

At the end of the seminar, the emcee Jigs Gacal, asked Dr. Queena, “So, what do you call a parent who is able to strike a balance between being a tiger parent and an ostrich parent?”.

Dr. Queena quickly replied with a smile, “A great parent!”.

And, I hope this is something that every parent aims to be!

****

It was indeed a privilege to serve as the project coordinator of Dr. Queena Lee-Chua’s parenting seminar at the Davao Christian High School for the second time.

The “Striking a Balance between Being a Tiger Parent and an Ostrich Parent” event could not have been a major success if not for the support of Anvil Publishing represented by Gwenn Galvez; Dr. Queena’s Davao-based best friend Julie Tiu; DCHS school director Arthur Brian Yap; DCHS’ very efficient administration team Maycelle Billanes, Shem Labor, Jimjim Carreon and Kuya Edgar; DCHS Parents-Teachers Fellowship president Yvonne Cabada and secretary Sharon Mangaoil and the rest of the PTF Board; Ma’am Jigs Gacal; Teachers Jay Rivera and Loida Lanaban; Annavi Salvador, Ian So, Naome Basilio, DCHS parents and teachers, and guests!

My sincerest thanks to all of you. To God be all the glory!

E-mail the author at mom.about.town.dvo@gmail.com. Visit www.momabouttowndavao.blogspot.com.

When it comes to your parenting style, are you a tiger or an ostrich?

Be it in academics, music, sports and other fields, tiger parents demand nothing but the best from their children. They have a tendency to practise hyper-parenting and push their kids to always reach their highest potential.

In stark contrast, just like an ostrich sticking its head in the sand, ostrich parents are not overly active in their children’s lives. They purposely allow their kids to manage themselves and let them experience independence even at a young age.

On first impression, you might think that both are extreme and undesirable ways of parenting. However, did you know that there are also advantages in each of these parenting styles?

We invite you to join us for a free PTF parenting seminar entitled “Striking a Balance between Being a Tiger Parent and an Ostrich Parent” with our guest speaker Dr. Queena N. Lee-Chua on January 21, 2012 (Saturday), 9:00 a.m. – 11:30 a.m. at the Davao Christian High School auditorium.

Dr. Lee-Chua graduated from Ateneo de Manila University in 1987, with a degree in BS Mathematics, summa cum laude. In addition, she has a doctorate in clinical psychology from the same university, where she is a professor.

A science and health columnist of the Philippine Daily Inquirer and in-demand consultant to schools, governments and businesses, Dr. Lee-Chua’s forte includes education; child cognitive and behavioral development; learning psychology; and mathematics.

Our guest speaker has received numerous prestigious awards such as the TOYM (The Outstanding Young Men), TOWNS (The Outstanding Women in the Nation’s Service), Metrobank Outstanding Teachers Award, OYS (Outstanding Young Scientists), Jose Rizal Awards for Excellence, National Book Award, National Science and Technology Journalism Awards, Outstanding S & T Columnist and Carlos Palanca Memorial Awards for Literature.

Non-DCHS parents are very much welcome to join the seminar. Please e-mail me your full name, contact number, the school where your children belongs and the number of people attending. E-mail address is mom.about.town.dvo@gmail.com.

We look forward to your valuable presence in this worthwhile parenting activity!

All ears for the Tomatis method

“All ears for the Tomatis method”

Sun.Star Davao, Oct. 29, 2011

Although she is a dentist by training and profession, Dr. Gina Diaz-Cembrano felt that being a preschool teacher will enable her to touch the lives of her young students and their families. In the process, she also hoped to understand her own kids better and become a more effective mother.

So, when her contract as a health center dentist expired in 2001, she gladly accepted the invitation of her friend who owned a well-known Davao preschool to work as a kindergarten teacher.

"After graduation, I tried teaching college students. However, teaching children is entirely new, unfamiliar but fun. The first year was like groping in the dark, but I really took it as a challenge”, recounts Gina, who is married to fellow dentist Dr. Eric Cembrano. She and Eric are blessed with three wonderful children, Dia, Matthew and Jose III.

Slowly, Gina started to discover that she possessed other gifts and talents that she wasn’t previously aware of. “I then felt that I still have more to give in this field. Teaching was like swimming carefree”, she enthuses.

What made the experience more challenging was that Gina was at the same time enrolled in a 2-year Community Health Masteral Program under a scholarship grant.

Eventually, Gina became so passionate with her field that she decided to finish 3 more units in teaching so as to qualify for the Licensure Exam for Teachers (LET). She passed the LET with flying colors in 2010.

Dealing with learning disabilities

“While I was teaching preschool, I noticed that children with conditions and learning disabilities are increasing in number every year. I found it alarming and was quite disturbed by it. I was thinking how I will assist the kids and their respective families”, Gina says.

It was also during this time that Gina’s son was diagnosed to have Attention Deficit Hyperactive Disorder (ADHD).

“When my son was diagnosed to have ADHD, a particular medicine was prescribed to him to improve his focus and attention. However, when he refused to take the meds, I chose his position and promised to study as much as I can about the disorder”, Gina recalls.

At first, Gina tried to seek the help of a therapist but when she and her son were made to wait for a vacant slot just for an appointment, the frustrated mom was extremely disappointed and had enough.

“I ultimately decided that I will be the one personally to help my son. I even thought of putting a therapy center in the future to serve other families going through the same predicament”, Gina shares.

Gina’s U.S.-based friend suggested that she consider the Tomatis method. In another occasion, a relative from Manila also mentioned that her child who had learning disabilities was enrolled in the Tomatis method and has shown remarkable improvements.

Curious, Gina started searching the internet and found the Tomatis Philippines website. She e-mailed the owners and was referred to the person who trained them, a French psychologist and registered and certified Tomatis consultant Francoise Nicoloff.

“And, the rest is history”, Gina smiles warmly.

Last week, Gina opened the I Listen Enhancement Center for Maximum Learning, a center which provides the Tomatis effect, the first of its kind in Davao City.

Good learners are good listeners

The Tomatis method is guided by the principle that “good learners are good listeners". It was discovered by French doctor Alfred A. Tomatis, an Ear-Nose-Throat (ENT) specialist.

Dr. Tomatis pioneered the study of auditory processing and language development, laying the groundwork for a new multi disciplinary science called Audio Psycho Phonology (APP). 

His work explains why the way we listen has a profound impact on almost all aspects of our being.

Gina explains that the Tomatis method is “an auditory stimulation program that is based on the interrelationship between the ear and the voice, between listening and communication. It was designed to re-awaken the ear’s natural ability to listen and ultimately stimulate the brain’s desire to communicate”. It is non-invasive, drug-free and involves no tutoring or teaching.

“The Tomatis method re-trains the listening system by using electronically modified music and language to re-educate, stimulate and improve the way in which we process auditory information”, Gina describes.

The training is provided through a highly developed technical sound system known as the Electronic Ear. Using pre-determined frequencies, it stretches and relaxes the ear muscles by fluctuating sounds between canals, where low frequencies and high frequencies are amplified. This process over time strengthens the ear muscles and improves the ability to listen.

This auditory stimulation program is applied in more than 400 private centers, schools and institutions that each year welcomes and helps more than 50,000 children, teenagers and adults in all continents.

All ears for the Tomatis method

Gina points out that “globally, among the most observed common problems or challenges in our societies are the inability to handle emotions that are affected by our listening and communication skills, memory and attention; and how the brain processes the information”.

In Davao City, she observes that we are confronted with the same problem which affects directly or indirectly our relationships with our families, performance at school and workplaces.

Gina proudly reveals that the “Tomatis method has been successful in addressing the needs of children diagnosed with ADHD, Asperger’s Syndrome, autism, dyslexia, speech delays/speech problems, motor skill and other sensory integration problems”.

"Tomatis works well in conjunction with occupational therapy, sensory integration, speech therapy and all natural therapies. They are all complementary", she adds.

In addition, even school children with no diagnosed disorder but need improved focus, attention and listening skill can likewise benefit from an available standard program dubbed as ‘Brain Gain with No Pain’.

The Tomatis method also claims to have helped adults fight depression, learn foreign languages faster, develop better communication skills, and improve both creativity and on-the-job performance.

In fact, many musicians, singers and actors found the program helpful in fine-tuning their artistic skills. These clients include the opera singer Maria Callas, French actor Gerard Depardieu, and musician Sting.

The 60-hour program is split into two phases: Phase 1 (2 hours/day for 15 days) followed by rest for one month and a half; Phase 2 (2 hours/session) with Pre and Post Assessment and Daily Monitoring for Improvement/Observations.

“The results obtained with the Tomatis method are long-lasting, even permanent, and consequently, it is often not necessary to extend the sessions beyond the initial course though sometimes, for certain problematic cases, extending the program will be advised”, Gina concludes.

Thanks to the love and dedication of this dentist turned teacher, our children’s ears can not only hear but most importantly, experience “well-tuned listening”, bringing significant and improved changes in their lives.

The I Listen Enhancement Center for Maximum Learning is located at 3^rd Floor FTC Tower, Mt. Apo St., Davao City with telephone number 3015082.

As an introductory offer, the I Listen Enhancement Center for Maximum Learning will be giving special discounts depending on the number of enrollees per family.

For more information, log on to www.tomatis.com.

E-mail the author at mom.about.town.dvo@gmail.com. Visit www.momabouttowndavao.blogspot.com.