Be a buddy, not a bully

“Be a buddy, not a bully”

Sun.Star Davao, July 28, 2018

  

School has started already for some while others will bid goodbye to their summer break this week.

Much excitement is building up on who is going to be in the same class for the school year. However, with this anticipation also comes an impending sense of dread for a few as they fearfully ask, “Will they be classmates with the bully again?”.

Bullying presents itself in many ugly ways. It might be a recurring situation where one is humiliated by a bully or called cruel names; other times, physically intimidated by force. In older kids, it can be a group of mean girls or boys deliberately letting a person feel unwelcome or excluded from being part of a certain “clique”. And, with technology, the risk of cyberbullying, where a single social media post or text message can spread nasty words, misinformation or lies, is all too real.

Bullying 101

Henry Yap, a registered guidance counselor, shares that bullying is “defined by RA 10627, as a severe or repeated act of one person to another that causes damage to the well-being of the other person”.

In school, bullying may start as early as Grade 1. Some of the warning signs include a change of behavior like becoming too aggressive or passive in school or at home. “At times, grades will also be affected, and some children refuse to go back to the place where he or she may have encountered the bully”, says Sashi Cagampang who works at the Guidance Office of a private school in Davao City.

Henry reminds victims of bullying that they must not be ashamed or afraid to share their experience with their parents, siblings or any person whom they feel comfortable to talk to.

“It is absolutely necessary that a bullying report is handled with urgency and be dealt with accordingly. However, we should also consider that the perpetrator (the bully) is also volatile and who also should be handled with care and with an understanding of his/her demeanor”, explains Henry.

He observes that “at times, an individual may be accused of being a bully yet not knowing that this person may have been experiencing some sort of maladjustment that requires clinical attention”.

Why do people bully? The website, educatorstechnology.com, cites the possible reasons: “To pretend they are tough; To try to get others to like them; To hide their own fears; They copy others who bully; They are unhappy; They don’t like who they are”, and a host of other causes.

Stand up, speak out

According to Henry and Sashi, parents must empower their child to have the courage to report and seek help from his or her teachers, guidance/school counselor, or any school personnel who may help him or her right away.

The two counselors encourage parents to listen to their children’s bully story calmly. “Some children are scared to honestly share their experience because of how their parents may react so it would be best if it is dealt with in a calm manner but showing them utmost support, love and comfort”, they advise.

In addition, “parents can help their son or daughter by improving their social skills by seeking the help of a professional who can journey with the child in his or her healing process”.

As a community, “a character campaign needs to be done which will focus on the good traits and characteristics to avoid bullying and to build the child’s personhood”.

Moreover, Henry and Sashi stressed that campaigns on how to identify a bullying situation and a bully may also be a vital source of awareness so that kids, including the bystanders (someone who is present when bullying takes place but does not take part in it), may know when to report and how to deal with these situations.

Sticks and stones

With regard to cyberbullying, adults can protect the kids by regulating their access towards social media. “In the first place, they should not have any social media accounts because they may not yet be of legal age. But, the alarming reality is that they have access to Facebook, Instagram, Twitter and the like, hence values and character formation, that is, developing the good manners and right conduct (GMRC), is the best thing to protect the child”, underscores Henry.

Likewise, parents should teach their children to be self-confident and invest time and attention towards uplifting their child’s self-worth. “Self-empowerment, motivational words, and teaching social skills” are among the effective ways to bully-proof one’s child.

But, what if we turn out to be the parents of the bully?

“IT ALL GOES BACK TO PARENTING. Parenting can be the best source to avoid perpetrators of bullying. The home is the first place where a child is taught to be respectful, kind and loving to another. The parents are the keys to raising a child who will not cause harm to his or her peers”, emphasizes Henry.

There is an adage which goes like this, “Sticks and stones will break my bones, but words will never harm me”. But, remember, hurtful words pierce through the heart and soul and may leave invisible scars forever.

No matter what the age, bullying is in our midst and the power to turn that bully into a buddy certainly lies in our hands. Let’s spread kindness!

E-mail the author at mom.about.town.dvo@gmail.com. Visit http://momabouttowndavao.blogspot.com/.